


I'm looking forward

by otaku1295707



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Insecure Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, M/M, Multi, Musician Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, One-Sided Attraction, Past Abuse, Slow Burn, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Unsympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22363168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otaku1295707/pseuds/otaku1295707
Summary: Virgil has only loved one man in his life and now that person is gone leaving him broken and alone until he meets Remus, someone who loves him, someone who makes him forget about his old lover even if it becomes an unhealthy relationship.Years later Virgil meets someone who he never wanted to meet, his soulmate. Mostly everyone is given a soulmate with their name written on there wrist unfortunately for Virgil was born with four soulmates Patton Heart, Logan Berry, Roman prince and Demetrius Deceit...but due to having a pas relationships that left him traumatized and a horrible childhood involving soulmates, Virgil want's nothing to do with them but because of the soulmate law he has no other choice but to move in with them.AKA: Virgil trying to move on from an old relationships while having no intention of finding his soulmates.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton & Deceit Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Sleep | Remy Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton
Comments: 44
Kudos: 191





	1. Chapter 1

Virgil 'loves' Remus as much as Remus 'loves' him. 

Any time Remus asked him to do something he had no choice but to do it, even if he didn't like it but did it because he loved Remus. Everything Remus does to him is out of love, Remus says so.

"I'm only doing this because I love you Vee, I love you so much but you don't love me enough"

"I do! I really love Remus" He would remind him

"No! No you don't! If you love me, you wouldn't cry or tell me to stop when I hit you or want sex"

"It hurts…"

"I'm only hurting you because I love you"

Remus loves him, after all Remus tells him that every night before going to sleep.  
Remus treats him nice… it just some days Remus doesn't have a good day and he makes things worse by questioning his love it's his fault and deserves any punishment.

He should be grateful towards him for taking him in when he was living with his abusive parents. He should love Remus with all his heart because his the first person to ever love him

…. So why doesn't he? Why does want to far away from him? Why does he lie, saying he loves him?

Remus has been nice to him. (Lie)

Remus patience with him. (Lie)

Remus respects him (Lie)

Remus is gentle with him (Lie)

Remus loves him (Truth)

______________________________________________________

Everyone's born with a soulmate in their life, their name is written on their wrist. They first appear at the age 4, so kids are tough about soulmate from a very young age.

Virgil was born with not only one soulmate, not two, not three but four soulmates. Four soulmates that he wanted nothing to do with. He hated soulmates, it's not like they chose to love you, right? It's only because you're name is written in their wrist color coded. 

Patton Heart [light blue]  
Logan Berry [Dark blue]  
Roman Prince [Red]  
Demetrius Deceit [Yellow]

Something that he realized was that they all had weird last names, but there's on name in that list that he wants to avoid the most, Roman Prince.

One of his soulmates just had to be a prince, but it's not like he has the intention of meeting any of them.

He doesn't need a soulmate to be happy, after all his only 19. For the first time in a long time his able to make this decision by himself, if he chooses not to meet his soulmate is because he, himself chose not to meet them and not because of someone else.

That being said, why on earth did he have to run into one of his soulmates.

Today was supposed to be a regular day for him after all nothing really interesting happens in town, especially not in this library people hardly come here. 

It was supposed to be a slow day, finish work head back home and sleep. That was how his day went normally, maybe he'll go out and eat or start sketching. There's a million different ways to ruin his day either he'll work extra or having to deal with a rude person or even get hit on by guys who can't take a no.

He'll be fine with anyone of those except for this one. This one outcome he did not want, he would rather deal with someone bothering him than running into one of his soulmates.

And at his workplace, where his manager love soulmates. She'll probably give him the day off once she finds out "spend time with your soulmate", she didn't know that he had four only mentioned of having one.

"Can I help you?" He asked in a monotone voice, already knowing what he's going to say

"Are you Virgil Sanders!" The man with the cardigan asked, almost looking like he was on the verge of tears. 

"...No!" That was a lie but he panicked okay, 

"But I heard someone call you Virgil and your name tag say 'Virgil Sanders'" He says pointing to his name tag, damn. It was his boss idea to wear his name tag saying 

'your soulmate can find you faster this way'

"...and your name is?" Honestly he didn't look like the type of person to read in the library.

"Oh! I'm sorry kiddo, I got so excited. My name is Patton Heart" the light blue one

"I'm sorry but I have work to do," It wasn't a lie because he still had to place the books back in the self.

"Oh…" His smile dropped for a moment but not before it returned again. "What time do you get off" He asked in a way too happy voice for Virgil.

He looked at the clock and it showed it was 2:53, he wasn't getting off until 5:00 but Patton didn't know that. "....I don't get out until late" Lying is wrong but he doesn't want a soulmate.

"That's fine! I don't mind waiting, after all I've waited 19 years to meet you. A couple of hours won't hurt." …Now he starting to feel bad for wanting to avoid the man.

"...I-I don't want to be rude but I barely know you, besides I have things to do after work" Virgil said, clearly disappointing his "soulmate" before he decided to go back to work.

He wasn't lying when he said that he had other plans after work because he really did. He and his best friends had movie night today. It's been like that for three years, every Friday is movie night. His day might have taken a different turn than he expected but that didn't change movie night, spending time with Remy.

"Wait!...Here's my number" Patton said hanging him a piece of paper.

773-XXX-XXXX

He took it not to seem rude but truthfully had no intention of whatsoever calling him but he highly doubt Patton would leave him alone, just like that.

"Were soulmates after all"


	2. Chapter 2

Patton loved the idea of soulmates finding the person you're destined to be with, your missing half. Someone who'll complete your life, someone who'll make you happy.

So to be born with four soulmates, well Patton considered it to be a blessing. Everyday he looked at his wrist and think about his soulmates, his only met 2 out 4 of his soulmates.

Virgil Sanders [purple]  
Roman Prince [Red]  
Logan Berry [Dark blue]  
Demetrius Deceit [yellow]

*********

Patton was 6 years old when he first met his soulmate. It was the first day of school and he kept looking at his wrist, thinking that something interesting was going to happen.

And it was an interesting day 

"My name Patton Heart and I like to color" He says

"Ahhh! It's you!" A random boy says jumping up and running up to him.

"I'm Roman Prince, I'm one of your soulmate" 

Roman prince, the red one.

"Oh my! Congratulations you two finding each other at a young age" The teacher said feeling happy for her two students. "Let's call your parents they should here about these wonderful news" 

After that day he and Roman hardly ever left each other side. Patton's always been a happy child but ever since Roman came into his life he's just been different, not in a negative way but in a good way.

*********

Patton had barely turned 13, when he would meet his second soulmate. 

He was waiting for Roman since he had to grab something from locker. 

It wasn't until he noticed a boy with glasses similar to his walking up to him. 

"Excuse me, do you happen to know where class 232" The glasses boy said.

"Oh! Yes that's Mr. Astro class" he says, Mr.Astro is the school counselor. "His class in the second floor, I can show but if you don't mind can we wait for a bit"

"I don't mind waiting but if you don't mind me asking why are waiting?" 

"I'm waiting for my soulmate he'll be here any minute" 

Patton and the stranger soon started talking, even though they were completely opposite from one another somehow in a strange way they fitted so well with each in these 10 minutes of knowing each other.

"Hey, Pat who's that?" Roman says pointing to the stranger.

It now just occurred to him that he never asked for the boy's name.

"Umm" he said not really knowing what to say

"Logan, Logan Berry. Yes that is my actual name" 

Logan Berry, the dark blue one.

Both Patton and Roman looked at each other in silence before he went up to logan and hug which he let go once he realized that the other boy was uncomfortable. 

"I'm sorry I got so excited!" He says before showing logan his wrist.

"Ah, my soulmates" Logan states 

"I'm Roman prince" Roman says moving in closer to Logan.

After that logan joined them and unlike he and Roman who usually are open to expressing Logan wasn't at first he had trouble expressing his love for the two but somehow they made it work. 

*********

Patton was 19 years old when he meets his third soulmate, Virgil Sanders. 

He been begging Logan to allow him to adopt a dog for the longest time but he would always get the same reply.

"How are you going to take care of dog if you can barely take care of yourself Patton" 

And yeah it hurt but he made up his mind. He'll prove to Logan that he is capable of taking care of a dog but first he has to do his research.

Patton remember about the library that Logan had mentioned before, saying "it's the perfect place to read" but hasn't gone in awhile.

"Virgil, honey can you place the books back onto their correct bookshelf" 

Virgil wasn't a common name or at least for Patton. His never met someone named Virgil, so it peaked his interest that he couldn't help but glance at him every minute.

Something about him drew him, Patton was 95% sure that this person was his third soulmate but he needed his full name to be 100% sure and thankfully for him, the man was wearing a name tag revealing his name.

Virgil Sanders, the purple 

Without hesitation Patton decided to go up to him.

•  
•  
•  
Sadly, things didn't go as planned it seemed like Virgil was uncomfortable with him, which made him sad but luckily he gave Virgil his number. He hoped that Virgil would call him. It would be nice to get to know him

Patton returned back home completely forgetting the whole reason why he went there in the first place to excited to share the news about their 3rd soulmate.

"Welcome back Pat" Roman says placing a gentle kiss on top of his forehead.

"Hi! Roman, where's Logan? I have to share this wonderful news with both of you"

"I'm right here, Patton" Logan says not looking up from his book "How was the library?"

"Wonderful!" Patton says, surprising both most people would think It would be Roman who hated reading but it wasn't as an actor he constantly read line. He wasn't obsessed with reading like Logan was but he still did, it was Patton who absolutely hated reading.

"Come again?" Roman asked 

"You won't believe who I just ruined into" 

"Beyonce?" 

"No, even better?"

"Who's better than Beyonce, asides from you and Lo of course" 

It seemed like Logan was the only one getting it since his eyes widened looking at him.

"I met him today!" 

"Met who?"

"Virgil are third soulmate!" 

Patton was soon surrounded by questions that both of them had as he tried to answer as best he could.

"I want to meet him! I've been waiting for my entire life to meet him" Roman says, picking up Patton and spinning him around. "He's here and alive"

When he said that everything became quiet, all three of the looked over wrist and looked at how the yellow was fading its color.

*********

Patton was 16 when he first lost his soulmate.


	3. Chapter 3

Once he got back home he wasn't surprised to find remy already there, sitting on the couch with a Starbucks in their hands.

"Girl, you look like shit" they set before taking a sip of their starbucks

"I always look like shit"

"I mean worst than normally you do" 

"I just had a really bad day" Virgil said, both knew that there was more to the story but Remy didn't push him. That's the thing that he liked about Remy was that they always knew when to speak up and when to give him space.

"Okay, anyways I already picked what movie were going to watch" 

"Mean girls?" He asked, already knowing his right

Midway through the movie Virgil started to get distracted by his own thoughts. Meeting his soulmate remind him the whole reason why he avoided them in the first reason.

Everytime soulmates were involved something bad always happens, he always thought about his fourth soulmate, the yellow one. He was the only one Virgil ever truly loved, they didn't even know they were each other's soulmates in the first place. 

Everytime he thought about soulmate he thought about Demetrius. And everytime he thought about Demetrius he thought about Remus. Remus who hated soulmates because he knew that his brother was one of Virgil's soulmates.

He just couldn't help but think about that day.

Virgil was only 14, when he first met the snake boy. June 1st, the day it changed his life for the better or for worse. 

It was pure coincidence that they both hated soulmates, which is why they never revealed their names to other when they first met.

Since he didn't know his and frankly didn't want to know he called him "Dee" because he always carried his pet snake with him named Dorian. While he was called "Anx" because he did have Anxiety.

It was pure coincidence that he happened to be there at the exact moment he needed someone.

"Are you going to jump?" He heard from behind. There stood a boy about his age, covered in bandages looking up at him.

"... No" He said, looking down. Was he about to jump? A part of him did want to? 

"Okay, that a lie but it's none of my business" 

They weren't saying anything to each other and he couldn't help but feel anxious by the way that he's being stared at.

"...Do you need help getting down? If you aren't going to jump" He says finally breaking the silence 

Virgil looked down and finally noticing the height, but that wasn't the only thing that he noticed.

The view from here was breathtaking

"Its beautiful right, I come here every morning with Dorian to look at view"

"Dorian who's that?" He didn't see any other person with him.

"This little guys over here" He says revealing a snake. "Want to pet him?"

This small conversation that wasn't supposed to mean anything, be forgotten the next day. This person should have been someone who'll he only remember as the person who stopped him from jumping not as a special person.

He wasn't supposed to mean anything to Virgil

Because if he hadn't, he might still be alive.

*********

Dee surprising loves mean girls quoting them any chance he had, Virgil felt like he and Remy would get along.

There were many things he learned about him, whether they were personal or not in 1 year and he loved everything about him. His never felt this way about someone and for the first time he can see a future with Demetrius. 

But even still they didn't know each other names they promised not to reveal each full name out of fear that they were soulmates. There was a slim chance of that being true but destiny never allowed someone to not meet their soulmates, no matter what they always met. Both him and Dee bad experiences with soulmates that traumatize them in their childhood.

"Hey Anx" Dee says, currently watching the stars on top of the rooftop.

"Yeah?"

"I love you"

*********

At age 16, he lost the most important person in his out of petty fight they had, he can't even remember why he was so angry but because of him he lost him forever.

He felt empty, that was the only way to describe it. He didn't feel anything, it's only been a week but it's still hard to process that the person who he loved is no longer here with him.

He didn't like feeling empty, alone. He wanted to feel something whether it be happiness, sadness, anger, but more importantly he wanted to feel love again like he had with Demetrius.

He couldn't help but to think what would have happened if they never found out that they were soulmates. If they fell in love with each other without the whole soulmate thing. Ironically they would spend hours talking about what to say if they ever do meet their soulmates and it turns out they were soulmates.

It was during this time that he met Remus Duke prince, he needed someone so badly that didn't care as long as they loved him and Remus loved him. 

That's what really mattered. All that love he had for Demetrius was gone [liar]. Besides Demetrius never loved him, like Remus did [lie]

*********

"Vee are you okay" Remy said pausing the movie.

It took a moment to realize but he had been crying? Weird, he hasn't cried since he's met Remus. So why is he crying?

"I-I don't k-know why I'm crying?"


	4. Chapter 4

Patton waited and waited and soon two days passed without hearing from Virgil. He thought about going to see him but didn't want to be a bother, maybe he was doing something important.

He didn't want Virgil to think he was annoying the guy barely knew him, but he remembers the scared look that Virgil had when they first met.

"Loooogan! Can we go meet him now?" Roman said, whining to Logan for the past fifteen minutes 

"I suppose we can" Logan said closing his book 

"Thank you! I'm going to get ready" Roman said giving him and Logan a kiss before leaving.

"Are you nervous? I mean meeting him" he asked looking at Logan.

"No, more importantly I should be asking you that" He responds

"... I already met him" 

"Yes, but are you nervous to meet him again?" 

Was he nervous? He's already met him before so he has no reason to be nervous but there he goes being nervous.

He never got the chance to response because Roman entered. "Sorry for the wait but first impressions are everything especially if we're going to meet our soulmate"

As they headed to the library Patton couldn't help but think of their fourth soulmate and how their never going to meet them.

He remembers the day when it started losing its color. When he felt pain In his wrist, confused as to why he looked and his heart dropped when he realized that his soulmate passed away.

"Patton!" He heard Roman says loudly 

"Yes, Ro?"

"I've been calling out your name like three times now, are you okay?" Roman says placing a hand on his shoulders.

"I'm fine, Ro" 

"Where here" Logan said 

They had entered the library but sadly couldn't find their soulmate.

"I'm going to go check for an astronomy book I've been meaning to read for awhile" Logan said before leaving.

A couple of minutes had gone by and no sign of Virgil anymore and every minute that goes by Roman only gets more irritated.

"This is so boring! Why don't we ask someone if his working today"

"That's a good idea, Ro" He said, looking for the old librarian he saw last time he was here. 

"Wait is Logan talking to a cute guy" Roman pointed to Logan, who seemed to be having a conversation with someone. 

"That's Virgil!" Patton said a bit too loud getting the attention of Logan and Virgil.

As soon as Virgil noticed he looked at Logan and then his wrist before trying to leave but only to be stopped by Roman. 

"L-let go of me," Virgil said, trying to hide his trembling voice.

"Then don't run away… please" Roman said, letting of Virgil. "I'm Roman Prince" 

"Logan Berry" 

"You already know me but I'll say it again I'm Patton heart"

"I-Im V-virgil Sanders" He says, Patton couldn't help but feeling sorry for the boy who looked scared to be around them. "I…have work now" he said about to leave but Patton didn't want him to leave just yet.

"Why didn't you text me? I gave you my number right? Or wait did I give you the wrong number and you did try" Patton hadn't considered this option up until this moment, god what if Virgil thought he was making fun out of him.

"Pat calm down let him talk" Roman said, Patton noticed that Virgil had flinched when Roman moved in closer.

Logam had noticed that Virgil flinched when Roman moved in closer to him.

"I'm not interested in soulmates" Virgil said, wanting them to leave him alone.

"Why!? Soulmates are people who are destined to be with each other" Roman said, never expecting his soulmate to ever reject him.

" 'Destined to be with each other' " Virgil said in a mocking voice "the thing is, I don't believe in destiny even if it does exist, I don't have any reason to follow it".   
If everything that happened to him was all meant for this day, meeting three of his soulmates… well that was a shitty thing to do. Taking dee away from him and meeting Remus was all worth it because today he meets his soulmate? Where's the logic in that? It left him broken and scarred.

"Roman lower your voice were still in the library" Logan said, pointing to the strange look they're getting. "Also we need to respect Virgil decision, it's rare but they are people who aren't with their soulmates"

"But may I remind you about the law that we have about soulmates"

Fuck, Virgil thought.

Another reason why he didn't want to meet his soulmate, the law goes that once you and your soulmate/soulmates are both legal age they are required to move in together once they met one another by the end of the week.

So basically move in with a stranger, that you've never met by the end of the week or pay a large amount of money and Virgil was too broke to pay it off. 

It's a pretty shitty law, if you asked him.

"We can pretend we never met each other" 

"That would work… if Roman hadn't posted that he's meeting his third soulmate named Virgil Sanders online" Logan said.

This officially has to be the worst week of his life. First he meets his soulmate, second cries in front of Remy, third he meets his two other soulmates, fourth by law he has seven days to move in with them and fifth in seven day is Demetrius anniversary. 

Next week will make three years without him. Every year he goes to visit him, even when Remus prevented him Virgil couldn't but help go see him knowing he'll face punishment. 

He highly doubts Demetrius wants to meet them. 

He hated the idea of soulmates more than anybody.

And yet...


	5. Afraid of...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He can't help but think about them, constantly thinking about them. One who he loved and the other who he hated.
> 
> Also the real reason why Virgil won't met his soulmates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning because Remus is in this one

"Have I ever told you how much I love you, your so beautiful. Why are you so pretty!?" Demetrius a bit too drunk but meaning every word as he looked at his lover. 

Virgil wondered for a second where he got the alcohol but then he remembered about the stache of alcohol they have.

"I love you so much…. I wouldn't mind if you were my soulmate" He said, mumbling the last part yet Virgil catches it.

"Shut up" he said playfully "your drunk Dee…. Besides I like us being like this if we were soulmates it only complicat more things"

"....yeah, I only need you!" Suddenly cling onto Virgil, kissing his neck. Making Virgil giggle a bit. "I loveeeee the noise you make weather it's your laugh or you moaning" 

"Dee!" He said, completely red 

"What?.... it's not like anyone here" he said snuggling closer to him. 

"Now give me kisses"

"No, you're breath smells"

"Pleawsee" he said, in a cute way that Virgil couldn't reject him

"Fine but only a small o-" Virgil said but couldn't finish his sentence because Dee had already started kissing him, multiple times.

"I love you" he mumbled before falling asleep in his shoulder 

*****

Remus was drunk again…. Lately he's been coming home drunk and smelling like cigarettes.

He hates it whenever Remus gets drunk, he always get violent smashing plates and… hitting him but Remus always apologizes to him in the morning it's just that he can't control himself when his drunk.

"A-Are you o-okay R-remus" he asked approaching him slowly

"NO!" Remus said throwing a plate at his direction barely missing him. "Do I look okay!" He says, chugging more alcohol "Why can't you do anything right!" 

"I-Im s-sorry" He said, holding back tears, Remus looks at him before sorting his eyes

"No, I'm sorry Vee. I shouldn't be taking my anger out on you" Remus said, "but you just caught me at a bad time"

"No, no, it's my fault" Virgil said quickly "I should have known that you were upset…. Is there anything I c-can do to make you feel better" already knowing what he'll respond with but hoping that he'll ask for something else.

"Come here" Remus said, already laying in the bed but he hadn't moved. "Virgil, come here now" he said but more in an aggressive tone

"C-ca-an… w-we do som-mething else" 

"Do you not love me" he asked

"I-i do…. But it s-still hurts from yesterday"

"I don't care! This isn't about you" he said "now come over here, before I force you"

*****

"Why don't you sing around other people" Dee said

"Why don't you let people touch Dorian" he asked, knowing how protective he is towards his snake.

"You already know why other people just suck" Dee said, petting Dorian. "Other people just will never understand what it's like to be different," he said with a sigh, Virgil knew what he was referring too.

Both he and Dee were seen at outcast for different. Dee was seen as a freak for his skin condition that he has, while he was seen as a freak for all his anxiety he has. Dee knew everything about him and yet still accepted him and loved him.

"but you're different anx, you still love me for some unknown reason even when you see my face"

"I really love you Dee, so much. Your beautiful, everything about you is wonderful if you hadn't stop me that day I would have jumped" he says "I don't want anyone else but you"

"Me too, funny if someone told me that I would meet the love of my life two years ago, I wouldn't have believed them" 

*****

"Virgil, do you know how much I love you," Remus said truthfully "but you don't love me, right" 

"I do! I love you" he said, feeling bitter about it 

He knew he didn't love Remus, he knew that this wasn't love and yet a part of him loved being reminded that he was loved. It only made him feel more guilty because he didn't want to hurt Remus. It was selfish of him but he wanted Remus to love him it made him feel whole, so he'll do anything to please Remus even if it hurts him.

"I love you" A beautiful lie that was

[He's not Demetrius]  
[Stop saying you love him]  
[You love being loved, not Remus]

"Prove it ...undress." he said, waiting for Virgil to undress. "Good, now who do you belong to"

"....you, and only you." 

"Virgil come here and sit on my lap" he says, forcefully pulling him into his lap. Virgil could already feel something hard pressing onto him.

"Your mine and only mine. Despite my brother being one of your soulmate you belong to me" he said, gripping him hard before kissing his neck and his hands all over his body.

*****

Virgil told them that he "hates" soulmates but that's not 100% true, yes everything he's said that he doesn't believe in destiny is true but their more to it. The truth is that he's always been afraid of them, at first it had to do with his upbringing but shortly after meeting Remus it only gave him another thing to fear about soulmates. 

Soulmates were people you'll eventually fall in love with even when you don't expect it (like him and Dee). He was in a relationship with Remus for 2 ½ years, only barely getting out of it. Remus genuinely loved him but still hurt him mentally and physically leaving scars on him out of "love"

And with Demetrius, they loved each other but Virgil ended up saying a horrible thing to happen and because Dee loved him, he ended up doing it. After his death, it hurt him more than anything. He can't go through that again falling in love only to be broken.

If he's learned one thing about his two relationships is that love causes pain. A pain he can't go through again.

Funny because despite what Virgil thinks of soulmates, he really did want to have a special person in his life, someone who loved him and he loved with all their heart.  
Maybe it has something to do with never getting love as a child, that resulted in him jumping into relationships to relationship in hopes of finding love but now he wants nothing but to live a normal life while avoiding love and that meant ignoring his soulmates he's okay with that.  
•  
•  
•  
If only it were that easy to avoid his soulmates now considering he has to move in with them by seven days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil afraid of love due to previous relationships but instead of saying so he uses the "I hate soulmates" excuse


	6. I want him

"I know that both are you excited with Virgil moving in with us but you need to think of his perspective. While we had years of knowing each other before moving on, Virgil only meet us for the first time and now he has seven days to move in with a bunch of strangers" Logan said

"But were his soulmates!" Roman says, confused as to why Virgil didn't want them, him.

"Soulmates he didn't want" Logan said, feeling disappointed as well. "But we need to respect that"

Roman doesn't know how to feel about it. He waited for his entire life, growing up Roman always felt the need to protect more than the rest, maybe it's because he's scared to lose another soulmate or the fact that it has to do with Remus.

Roman was born with a twin. A twin he doesn't speak about for multiple reasons why, but the main reason why is because he's afraid of him. 

He wasn't always afraid of his brother, actually at a young age they were inseparable like most twins are.  
But as time passed they couldn't be any more different

While both were extremely dramatic and can be loud Roman was always friendly and liked while Remus was…. Very disturbing in his actions.

Ex: If Roman would ask someone out he would try a grand gesture to win them over. Like buying them flowers, taking them out he was always one for the romantics so he took things slow.

Remus was quite the opposite of him if he wanted to ask them out he would stalk them first, fight of any "enemies" and finally would give them something dead to show his love and Remus didn't take it slow.

But the biggest difference between them was that Roman was born with four soulmates while Remus was born with none. When they were kids Roman agreed to share his soulmates but couldn't go through with it.

"You can have one of my soulmate that way you won't be lonely ...if you want?" said five year old Roman hoping he'll say no.

"I want the purple one" said five year old remus. For some reason Remus always preferred the purple one over the other's 

".....not this one, I like the color purple" He said but truthfully he liked them all Roman didn't want to say it but he wanted all of them

"No! I want the purple one" he said "it's not fair that you four and I have none" 

After that their relationship quickly changed they were constantly fighting over little things. But sadly the only upper hand he has over Remus is the number of soulmates he has because other than that Remus beats him in everything.

Even though Roman was the one everyone likes, Remus was the one that everyone wanted.

No matter what he did Remus always did it better. Weather its acting or singing Remus always outshine him even though nobody liked him they couldn't deny that he was talented.  
A talent that he couldn't help but feel jealous, he's never once been able to do better than him. No matter how much he practices for a role, no matter how much time he puts in memorizing his lines…. He's nothing compared to his crazy disturbing twin brother.

It broke his pride but the only thing that keeps him going was his soulmates. Both Patton and Logan were there for him supporting him and cheering him own in every play he was in weather he got the lead or not. 

He loved his soulmates even the ones he's never met but weirdly Remus still had an obsession with one of his soulmates Virgil Sanders. He hated the rest of them always scaring Patton or arguing with logan but with Virgil his eyes always lit up, the day that Roman lost one of soulmates.

"Is it Virgil!? The soulmate that died" Remus asked when he heard the news.

"N-No…. It was D-demetrius" he responded sobbing 

"Oh, thank god it was him. I don't understand why you're crying? You've never even met him before" Remus said, unsympathetic looking at Roman wrist noticing how the yellow became lighter than the rest. 

"What's wrong with you! This was my soulmate, you'll never understand because you don't have one" Roman shouted, punching Remus.

"Oh but I do have a soulmate my dear brother. See it's Virgil, even though destiny say you and him are soulmates that's wrong" Remus said, in this creepy way sending chills up his spine but what was more disturbing was that Remus got a tattoo with Virgil's name in purple ink in his wrist…. Identical to the one Roman has.

"You're sick…. What don't you get that he's my soulmate"

"You already have three…. Oh wait I meant two soulmates, let me have this one. You promised to share"

About a year later Remus moved out only being seventeen, he just kept insisting until they gave in. It was at this time that he watched Remus be the happiest he's ever seen him be in the longest, Roman knew he should have been happy for his twin but for some reason he had a bad feeling about it like something bad was going on.

Roman hoped that when he finds his soulmates that Remus never finds out. Roman never really found out why Remus was so obsessed with someone who wasn't his soulmates.

He loves his soulmate, all of them are very special to him when he's with them he doesn't feel the need to put up an act to be liked….. so he'll really appreciate it Remus doesn't bother his soulmate.

But right now he doesn't have to worry about Remus finding the person he's been obsessed with since they were kids because right now Remus is in prison for a hit and run apparently he's partner at that time turned him. He never met him because Remus always been aggressive whenever he was brought up but apparently his obsession for his purple soulmate never left.  
"Hey" He says to Patton and Logan "Do you think that Virgil likes me?" 

"No" Logan respond quickly "He's just meet us, how can one feel a romantic interest to someone they just meet it took me a whole year"

"I meant…. Is he afraid of me?" Roman says, remembering the look Virgil had when he noticed Roman or when he moved forward.

"Of course not Ro, you haven't done anything to him to make him afraid of you" Patton responds looking at Logan for help but he didn't say anything.

Roman knows that look…. He's seen it multiple times before, he might have not done anything but the reaction that Virgil gave him is the one many people had given him in the past. A reaction of fear, a fear that Remus caused. Remus always had a way of permanently scarring someone to the point even just seeing Roman scared them.

Roman would kill him if Remus laid his hands on Virgil.


	7. Moving in

Virgil moved in six days later having no intention of getting close to his soulmates. It seemed only Logan knew what personal space is because the moment he enters the door Patton jumps into his arms while Roman looked like he wanted to but hesitated.

"Let go of me," Virgil said

"Sorry I'm just so excited that you're moving in" Patton said flashing him a smile 

"Yeah, well i'm not the least you can do is not be clingy" Virgil said not caring if he came rude tomorrow's Dee anniversary and he's not in the mood to be surrounded by people he and Dee never wanted to meet and now look at him moving in with them while Dee is no longer living.

This wasn't the future they planned….

"Here I'll show you to your room so you can unpack your things" Logan says. Luckily for Virgil he didn't have much anyway to pack after all, all his clothes could fit in a bookbag and the only object he carried was a camera that wasn't even his and a notebook.

Virgil didn't leave his room for the rest of the night. It didn't feel right to be here, it didn't feel right that Dee wasn't with him.

He grabbed his notebook and started writing everynight Virgil wrote him a letter.

________________

Hey Dee, I finally moved in with them, Logan, Patton and Roman. Roman, Remus twin brother. Are you disappointed with me? Because I'm disappointed with myself, tomorrow will be three years without you. I miss you. Funny we never planned on being soulmates but once we found I overreacted….. if I could take back that day I would and now I'm living with the others when it should have been us moving in with each other but I was selfish. If only I never said those words I wouldn't be here…. Planning your death anniversary.

Do you hate me? Because I rejected you that night and moved on to Remus and not to mention I'm living with are other soulmates when I rejected you for being mind, you hated them more than me, yet you still accepted me. Do you hate me Demetrius? Because I hate myself….

You've always been the love of my life, even now I still see you. I want to accept that your no longer with me. How do I accept that your dead? When you're all I think of everyday. I can still see you dancing randomly all happy. I can still smell your scent when I'm in my room like you still come over. I can hear you, humming while I play or your laughter. I can still feel your warm touch like you are  
still alive.

I didn't deserve you…. I knew being with me would only cause you problems but you didn't care. 

You loved me with all your heart and I loved you. Even now I still love you. Remy tells me I should move on that it's unhealthy to hold on it makes me an easy target for people like Remus to take advantage of and I know I should move on…..but I'm afraid I'll forget your love, your love that you gave me.

I'm afraid to love again, your death hurt me a lot. I can't go through that again but also I don't deserve anyone's love nor do I want it.

I only want yours but you are no longer with me.

What would you think of me now? 

________________

"Virgil ...ummm can we talk" he heard Patton say

"Fine…. give me a second" Virgil says, putting away his notebook.

Once he came out of his room he noticed that Patton, Logan and Roman were sitting on the couch talking to each other before they noticed him.

"Virgil, now I'm sure you know about are fourth soulmate" Logan says

'How do they know' Virgil asked himself, looking at his wrist.

"It's a thing we do every year we honor his memory even though we've never met him before he was still are soulmate" Roman says

"....H-how are you guys going to do it" They certainly weren't visiting him like he does since he's never seen them before….

"We tend to decorate the house with his signature color, yellow" Logan says, Virgil finally taking an actual notice of the house most of the things were colored yellow.

"Oh! And then we write him a letter or poem telling him how much we love him. This year Im singing him a song" Roman says 

"This year I decided to plant flowers in his memory ...Do you think Rose's are okay? Or should I go with tulips" Patton asked "I wonder what flowers he likes?"

'Sunflowers, definitely Sunflowers Dee always loved them' Virgil thought to himself "He always said they were underrated compared to Rose's...it didn't help that Dee was bias since the color"

It was then that he felt three pairs of eyes on him looking at him in complete shock "w-what are you looking at?" Shit, did he say it out loud

"If you don't mind me asking Virgil, how do you know that he liked Sunflowers" Logan asked scanning him, making Virgil more uncomfortable than he already was.

"Virgil kiddo, did you know are soulmate Demetrius" Patton asked

"....don't..." Virgil mumbled

"You called him by a nickname so tell me Emo do you or don't you not know him" Roman said a bit irritated 

"Roman!" Patton said to him "Virgil do you mind sharing….well like to know more about Demetrius if we can?"

"Dee….didn't want you guys" Virgil said bluntly, since it was the truth Dee was always telling him he never wants his soulmate. "Both me and him don't want anything to do with this" and that was it, all he was telling them

"Oh… Well how do we know that's the truth and you're just being selfish" Roman said "For all we know it could have been you that convinced him not to see us" A part of Roman knew that it was wrong to accuse him but he refuses to believe that TWO of his soulmates didn't want him.

"Roman! Stop that….I'm sorry about that Virgil it's just that we wanna know about him" Patton said "It hurt to lose a soulmate especially one you've never met...I hope you can understand" 

The last part of what Patton said made him feel annoyed. Of course he knew how much it hurted, technically speaking they were all soulmates….so yeah he knew and it hurted more because Virgil personally had a deep connection with him.

"Understand!? I know more about him than anybody else, Dee hated you guys more than anything" Virgil said, only half truth Dee didn't necessarily hate the person but the soulmate bond that it came… he only said that of irritation.

"Don't look for me…." He said before leaving them.  
•  
•  
•  
"Hey… Remy can you come and pick me up?"


	8. Unrequited love

Hey, vee are you okay?" Remy said, wrapping Virgil with blankets. 

"...no…" He responds 

"Do you want to talk about it" Remy asked gently 

"Can you just stay here" He asked moving in closer

"Of course" He responds without hesitation 

"Rem…do you think I should tell them the truth about Dee?"

"Only when you're ready to tell them, I know that even talking about him hurts it hurts more talking about that night"

"Thanks rem…"

"Anything for you Vee"

Remy knew how much Virgil blamed himself for Demetrius's death. Remy and him never did get along like Virgil hoped they would despite having many things in common they could never stop arguing….but he never wished for his death. 

The truth is that he….was jealous of him. Dee had him, Virgil. Virgil the only person who stayed at his side when he was fighting an addiction, Virgil the person who would stay up all night talking to him when he couldn't fall asleep….Virgil the only person who truly cares about him.

Remy came from a very wealthy family so from a very young age he learned the hard truth about people about how greedy people can be. Everyone wants something from, weather its money or sex they all ask for something but not Virgil….he didn't want anything even though he had nothing.

Remy was thirteen years old when he first met him. He was being chased by these older guys, apparently the girl who he rejected didn't understand what a "no" is. He was out of breath surrounded by them ready to punch them.

"Did you have fun stringer her a long, playing with her feelings?" The leader of the guy asked "Well how is this for fun?" He said close to punching him before….

"Stop!" There stood a skinny pale boy wearing a gray hoodie. "S-stop….I a-already called the c-cops awhile ago" said the boy 

He let go of him by now pushing him to the ground "You mother fucker!" He says approaching him. "Let's go boys! Hurry before they come" he said running away "This isn't over!"

He looked over the boy and sighed. Now he owes a stranger a favor, judging by the boy's appearance he isn't rich so he'll probably ask for money or even maybe protection? "Name anything you want, I'll give you it. Want money? Name your price. Or do you something else" he asked the boy.

"No. I don't really need anything from you. Also I lied about the cops, your welcome" He said, surprising Remy. "Well see ya"

"Wait! You don't want anything? If so, then why did you help me… obvious you're not strong enough to take them down"

"Wow, thanks" he said in a sarcastic tone "but seriously I saw you being chased and I did what felt right" 

"Ask for anything! Money?"

"I don't want money that I haven't heard"

"Cars!"

"Only thirteen"

"My number"

"No thanks besides I don't have a phone"

"I'll even give my body" he knew that there was something that he wanted, it was human nature to take and be selfish. From a very young age he witnessed how greedy people could, how people would use you… they won't hesitate to take everything from someone.

"Are you crazy! Offering your body to a complete stranger" he said "Fine I'll take the offer"

Of course he wasn't any different….

"If you really need to repay me back I ask you to never offer yourself like that again don't you have any value for yourself"

Meeting Virgil changed his life. A life surrounded by people only wanting him for their own benefits, having that one person who made him feel normal felt nice…. 

Everyone In school called the "it couple" despite them not being a couple, people kept telling them it was bound to happen. Remy really hoped it did happen, after all he and Virgil understood each other better than anyone.

He knew Virgil better than anyone….right?

That was until Demetrius Deceit came into their lives….

Apparently Virgil met someone… someone who he'll become romantically interested pretty soon.

He was constantly hearing about this "Dee" person but didn't officially meet him until a year later when they announced their relationship.

"I love you anx" He heard Demetrius say, eavesdropping is wrong but he couldn't help but listen.

"Me too. I love you so much dee"

It pissed remy off, how Virgil could be in love with someone that he doesn't even know his real name…..It pissed him off that Virgil was in love with someone that wasn't him.

______________________________________________________

At age sixteen his jealousy got out of hand. He did something that he shouldn't have done, if he kept quiet that fight might have never happened 

"Your real name Demetrius Deceit isn't it" remy said "isn't that…." One of Virgil's soulmates 

"Don't tell Virgil" 

'He knows' 

"So you know that he is one of your soulmates all this time…. I'm surprised that you are still with him, you know considering that you claimed to hate them"

"I do! but I didn't expect him to be one by the time I found out...it was too late remy I was already madly in love with him that I don't even care who he really is" Demetrius said "Virgil is the person first person to show me kindness….the first person to love me" 

That's the thing he loved about Virgil is that even though the world had been shit to him all his life, Virgil still saw the best in people. He saw the best in him….he saw the best in Demetrius.

"But would Virgil still love you the same if he found out. We both know why Virgil refuses to meet his soulmate. We both know what happened in his childhood for him to fear them despite him wanting love and attention. So I'll be honest with you Virgil won't love you after he finds out"

Why couldn't Virgil see that he was perfect for him. They weren't soulmates and Remy loved him with all his heart ....so what did Demetrius have that he didn't? What made him so special?

"You have three days to tell him before I do, and if by some miracle Virgil still wants you I'll accept his decision and move on" 

It was the middle of the night when he was woken up by a phone call, Vee💜.

"R-remy" he heard a shaking voice "D-Dee….he…. J-just c-c-ome to the h-hospital" 

It didn't take long until he reached the hospital, he spotted him very quickly jumping into his arms crying his heart out.

"Vee what happened" It was becoming concerning that Virgil wasn't telling him anything "what happened…?"

"D-Dee t-tried to k-kill h-him-mself"

'He what!?'

That night they received news that he didn't make it. That night he didn't sleep or the night before that...for awhile he didn't sleep and neither did Virgil. The Virgil that he once knew was no longer there, no matter what he did it was no use….he still had this empty look in his eyes.

If things couldn't get any worse Virgil started getting stalked and neither knew who it was and then Remus appeared. Remy was wary about this guy but it seemed like Virgil was getting better or at least trying….

Remy made a promise to himself to never interfere with Virgil's love life again and if it meant supporting Virgil's weird relationship with Remus….but he should have. He should have noticed that Virgil was becoming more and more distant or the bruises that just weren't hickeys.

______________________________________________________

"Oh Virgil…." Remy said softly not trying to wake up Virgil.

He didn't know what to do. Should he interfere or should he not. Last time he did it ended things badly but when he didn't it also ended things badly.

But they are his soulmates and they wouldn't hurt him? Demetrius never hurt him. But on the other hand one of them was a prince….and they certainly hurt him in more ways than one.

All he wants Is for Virgil to be safe and happy.


	9. Question and voices in my head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil agrees to answer questions that they have about Demetrius but Virgil can't bring himself to answer the last one which prompts him to leave to his room to deal with the voices in his head

Virgil ended up leaving early in the night leaving a note behind. He didn't want to worry Remy considering last time….

Tomorrow was the day...even though it's been three years he still can't bring himself to move on...instead he holds on to every memory good or bad leaving him a bitter feeling.  
______________________________________________________

He's been ignoring Dee, no, Demetrius for a week now. He felt so lied to… Demetrius knew… he knew...and still fell in love with him? It made no sense, Demetrius hated them more than he did. He knew the reason why Virgil didn't want any of them. Even with all of this, Virgil can't help but miss him...can't help missing everything about him. 

Everything's been so confusing to him, he still needs time to process everything 

"Remy am I doing the right thing? I mean he must have felt scared as well but that didn't scare him away" Virgil asked "Did I overreacted when he told me" He did say some hurtful things to him which he regrets instantly.

"...Answer me this Vee, Do you still love him?" 

"Of course I do!"

"Than you have your answer, go and talk to him let him explain his side of the story" Remy said taking a sip of their starbucks

"Now if you would excuse me I have a hot date with the school counselor nephew" 

"Emilie? Didn't expect him to be your type but he's a better person than most of your other dates" 

"Aww that's sweet that you'll think I changed but let's be real honey I'm just looking for a fuck not a relationship…."

"Whatever you say rem but one day you are going to meet the one for you, Rem. And once you do you'll never want to leave their side…." 

'Just like me and dee' Virgil thought 

"I'm not meant to be in a relationship that's why I was born without a soulmate besides this way I don't have to commit myself to someone" Remy said about to leave 

"Oh and vee I'm only a phone call away if you need me don't hesitate to call. I don't really care about my date anyways ...." 

______________________________________________________

He hates himself so much….if they never Dee would have still been alive. Or if he kept his mouth shut...or if he had noticed something sooner, he could have stopped him.

He can't bring Dee back no matter how much he wants the only thing he can do is honor his memory, this day has to go perfect. Everything has to go perfect. It's the first year without fearing Remus, he can finally honor his death properly instead of sneaking out in the dark. The only problem was the others…they don't even know Demetrius. How do they know they aren't disrespecting Demetrius memory? How does Virgil know that they haven't? For all he knows they were 'honoring' his memory with things he hated, they didn't know Demetrius like he did.

It didn't take long for him to reach their apartment, surprisingly enough he found Patton arranging things. 

"Virgil! Your back!" Patton says "I wanted to apologize for earlier….I wasn't thinking about your perspective"

"It's fine, I'm over it. Besides it isn't you that really own me an apology it's prince who was being an asshole" 

"Prince? You mean Roman, just give him some time to understand that you don't want us…" 

The thing about Virgil is that he tends to feel guilty about many things even when it's not his fault and out of the three Patton surprisingly the least annoying to him.

"I'm sorry...it's not you. It just…" 

"No! I understand you lost someone who was more than just a soulmate to you, I can understand why you aren't ready" Patton said 

"it's hard to move on, sometimes it feels like you're replacing them. It's not the same thing as losing a soulmate but when I was younger my father passed away and soon my mom remarried and I hated it. Even though I rarely get mad any time I saw him I felt angry ….it felt like she was replacing him and that the memories they shared meant nothing to her" Patton explained "I understand, it took me awhile to finally move on" 

"H-How did you move on?" 

"Well first I allowed myself to feel"

"Feel? Feel what?"

"Emotions I allowed myself to feel sadness, anger and all types of emotions it" Patton explained "and I had Roman support me when I was grieving"

Even though he had remy support, he didn't really have the proper chance to allow himself to feel and grieve for too long because Remus came into his life. "Oh Vee there's no reason to miss him, he didn't really love you" 

"H-He d-d-did" 

"Stop being a fool! He killed himself because of you, he wanted an escape from you and you know it. I'm the only who loved you! Me! Not anyone else!"

"DON'T YOU GET! YOU BELONG TO ME"

●  
●  
●

"Virgil...are you okay" Patton asked with a look of concerned in his eyes

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine" [Lie]

"Oh! Why don't you tell me more about Demetrius, this way we can put up things he actually liked"

'That actually isn't such a bad idea ' Virgil thought 

"Okay, what do you want to know…" 

"We should go get the other's! I bet they have questions of their own" said Patton, but before he could reply, Patton had already left and gone to get them.

"...okay you guys can ask only three questions each" said Virgil, he didn't know how much he could talk about Dee before  
breaking down. "How do we do this?"

"How about if we write them down in a small piece of paper, put them in a hat, shuffle them and you'll pick them randomly"

"Okay"

Virgil picked the first he noticed, it was a simple answer

"What was his favorite pastry? Strawberry tart" said Virgil, funny enough Virgil hated Strawberry while Dee loved them

"Favorite place? ...Any high places with a nice view" Most of the time he and Dee would spend hours staying up all night to see the view

"Favorite hobby? Art, he loved drawing and painting" Dee loved drawing him for an unknown reason there were many drawings of him in Dee sketch notebook with hearts around him.

The first three questions were simple and harmless questions but the next one that he read was more difficult to talk about than the other three.

"Did I ever have any romantic feelings for him?...Yes" It was a bittersweet answer, only making them feel more pity than they already had 

"What made Demetrius special? Everything…but if i have to name one it's that he always knew how to make me smile" He knew the face that he was making….it was the same expression he always has whenever he remembers happy memories of Demetrius and him, an expression filled with love and guilt.

"How did we meet… he saved me" He said not saying anything else if it weren't for him Virgil would have jumped that day.

There were only three more questions to go and the last ones felt more personal to answer, he doesn't even know why he agreed in the first place.

"Favorite animal? Oh this one is an easy it's snakes, he even had one names Dorian" Even after Dee death Virgil still took care of him until he and Remus moved in together….Remus didn't want anything that was from his previous lover burning them most of them, the things he has of him now he had to fight and hide to keep them.

"When's his birthday? February 3" 

Finally the last question and then he can be done with all these questions 

"How did he…." Virgil read the question but couldn't bring himself to say it and less speak about it "That's enough question for…. I'm done" 

"Why don't you tell them how I died? Its your fault, after all. All I did was give you my love but what did you do with it, you crushed it"

"I didn't mean to act that with you, I'm sorry" 

"I thought you loved me"

I do

"You called me "you're everything" but I meant nothing to you, did I. 

That's not true, I meant every word I said to you, Dee.

"You moved on very quickly and now you're living with are other soulmates"

It's the law to move in with them

"I loved you with all my heart, you claimed to love me but you didn't even notice that I was depressed"

"Shut up, you aren't real" He kept telling himself over and over again.

"Did you even love me? I loved you, I did everything for you to make you forget about the pain you were going through" He expected it to be dee voice but it wasn't it was Remus voice 

"Liar, that's what you are. It should have been you that died"

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

"Virgil? Are you okay":


	10. Valentine's special

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a valentine's special that I felt writing

February 14 valentine's day, growing up this day meant nothing to him but after meeting Remy this day become watching romance movies and laughing at couples but today, today was special because he'll spend it with Dee.

For the first time he actually put in the time and effort into something, Virgil not one to be romantic but he wants this day to be special.

***

Virgil had woken up receiving a text from his lover.

Dee ❤: Meet me in Starbucks, the one that Remy works 

Dee ❤: Also ily

For a second it completely slipped his mind that today was valentine's until he looked at his calendar. He has never been a big fan of this day because it's a holiday for most soulmates but he really, really wants to spend this day with Dee

Me: I love you too

It never hurts to tell someone you loved them so he would never miss a chance to tell him that he loved him because life is too short.

Once he arrived at Starbucks, he looked around for Dee but couldn't find him anywhere.

"Here, this is for you" Remy said, handing him a drink with a note

"This is the first time I'm actually forward to   
celebrating valentine's so I'm going all out.

The next clue is in the tree of memories"

The tree of memories as they call it is the tree that they had their first date and kiss, carving their initials.

Once he arrived to the next place he found a bouquet of Rose's along with a stuffed bear with a heart that said "I love you" 

"In the future I want to go to many places with.   
you but I don't think I'll ever forget where we had   
are first date

The next clue is in Mr. Roberts store"

Mr. Roberts owned a music store, a place that Virgil loved going over there.

In the store there stood Mr.Roberts smiling at him with a letter in his hands. "I believe this is for you" he says handing him the letter. "Your lucky to have to have someone like him"

"I hope you liked your present~ ❤"

"What present?" He said, look around 

"This one" Mr. Roberts said, handing him a beautiful guitar the same guitar he's been wanting to buy for awhile 

"Oh Dee…" he whisper to himself 

"Last clue is where it all started" 

Virgil didn't need an explanation, he knew where it all started. It all started on the top of the rooftop of an abandoned building. The place where he tried to jump, the place where dee saved him, the place that it all started.

Before he knew it the day was already dark but he only needed this one more clue.

'it's beautiful' was the first thought that popped into his head 

The place was filled with lights and candles that fitted so well with the stars in the sky not to mention that view of the city just made things even more wonderful. 

"Dee, this is beautiful. We've spent a lot of time looking at stars but this, this is amazing" 

"It's not over, look over there" Dee said suddenly appearing flashing a light towards a building's wall. "Look over there"

He didn't understand what he meant at first but soon he noticed that Dee art, to be more specific the graffiti art that was him.

"You drew me… dee I look beautiful" Is that how Dee saw him every time.

"I see you and all I can think about is how beautiful you are and how much I love you" dee said looking at him "before you the I only loved Dorian and he's a pet snake but Anx I love you like a lot"

"Me too, before you I was so broken that I couldn't imagine to keep living but now I can't imagine living without you" Virgil said "I love you so much dee"

It was then that an idea popped into Virgil's head "Wait here" he said before leaving and grabbing his new guitar ready to play one of us his favorite songs 

"Hold me close and hold me fast  
This magic spell you cast  
This is la vie en rose

When you kiss me heaven sighs  
And though I close my eyes  
I see la vie en rose

When you press me to your heart  
I'm in a world apart  
A world where roses bloom  
And when you speak  
Angels sing from above  
Everyday words seems  
To turn into love songs

Give your heart and soul to me  
And life will always be la vie en rose  
And when you speak  
Angels sing from above  
Everyday words seems  
To turn into love songs

Give your heart and soul to me  
And life will always be la vie en rose"

Both of them had different ways of showing their love for each other while Dee would rather draw them. Virgil always felt the need to sing his feelings both at the end of the day they both knew how much they meant to the other.

"Have I told you how much I love you" Dee said before kissing him

"Yes, so many times" 

_____________________________________________________

"Give your heart and soul to me  
And life will always be la vie en rose" Virgil sang a bit remembering of their first valentine's together 

"Virgil! Honey, come over I have a surprise for you that I just know you enjoy" 

"Coming Remus" he said wiping tears from his face

La vie en rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: La vie en rose


	11. More questions

After Virgil had left Patton picked up the small piece of paper that fell into the ground. "How did he die…." He couldn't believe that one of them would write that, yeah a part of him was curious about how their soulmate passed away but he would never ask them that when they're clearly still mourning over their death.

Patton never was able to leave someone who clearly is suffering especially if that someone just so happened to be one of his soulmates. Despite never meeting their yellow soulmate Patton still felt heartbroken and cried over him but the thing was that Patton never had a connection with him but Virgil did even if he doesn't know their relationship If they were lovers or just friends [Virgil had mentioned having romantic feelings for him] but it must have hurted and it still hurts.

"Virgil? Are you okay?" He asked 

"I-Im f-fine" Virgil said with a quivering voice

"Can I come in?" Patton asked but getting no response but if you listen closely you'll hear someone crying.

"Virgil I'm coming im" He said hoping the door wasn't locked and thankfully it wasn't.

The sight of Virgil curled up hugging his pillow like his life depend on while sobbing loudly was a sight that broke his heart.

"Oh Virgil…" he said moving in closer to him

"Virgil listened to my voice and nothing else" Patton said trying to comfort him only to receive a small nod. "Okay breath in for 4 seconds….hold your breath for 7 seconds...then breathe out for 8 seconds" 

After awhile Virgil calmed down a bit not entirely but enough to not make Patton worried but still he wondered what made Virgil react like that? "Are you okay?" He asked for the second time today

"I-im...fine, Patton"

"Did you know that Logan didn't know my name until recently?" Patton asked him

"What?" That came out of nowhere 

"Yeah! He said 'Can I have a book-mark' I cried because for 6 years he didn't know my name" 

"Ha" Virgil gave a small laugh 

"I know that we aren't close and that we barely know each other for like a week and that you probably dont like me but I like you so, Virgil i'm here for you even if you just wanna talk or don't say anything and let me do all the talking If you aren't in the mood of talking...but just know I'm here for you"

"Thanks pat" Virgil said softly so nobody could hear him but Patton did "Also I don't hate you…."

"You don't? But you said you didn't want us?

"And I still don't but asides from that I have nothing else against you… besides all you do is try to make me feel better" Virgil said, it was nice to know that Virgil didn't hate him 

"But it was my idea to ask you questions about him and involve the others. I swear I had no idea that they wrote that!" Patton said crossing his heart "I never meant to cause you to trigger"

"It's fine...honestly I like talking about him it's just….that personal question make me remember things I'll rather not think about" 

"Can I ask simple questions ?" 

Virgil hesitated before nodding, Patton wasn't that bad of a person to be around with. "O-okay" 

"Favorite music?" 

"He surprisingly liked Jazz music" Funny because he and Remy would always be fighting on what type of music should they listen 

"A thing that both of you had In common?"

"We both loved conspiracy theories, bigfoot, mothman and so many more"

"If you don't mind can I ask a good and a bad habit"

"Umm, okay" Virgil said "Dee had this bad habit of biting his lips whenever he got stressed or annoyed...I'm not sure if this is a good habit or what but whenever he got flustered his ears turned red he looked adorable"

"Memorable moment?"

"Memorable moment …."  
_____________________________________________________

It had only been a month since they first met each other but every night they would meet up at the same place and same time for the past month but he hadn't showed up yet, he kept thinking to himself why Dee would wait for him? He wasn't anyone important, so why wait for him? Virgil told himself that he wasn't going that night or the night after that but he couldn't bring himself too, after the third night he had enough. He had to go even if there was a chance of Dee not showing up, Virgil just had to go. 

The night arrived and Virgil was already hesitating. What if Dee doesn't show up? He probably realizes that Virgil was avoiding him and probably thinks that Virgil doesn't want anything to do with him. All these possible ideas popped into his head and only 2% of them were slightly good.while the rest were all the possibilities of him losing Dee...but why did he care so much for someone he's only known for like a month, dee nothing special just like all the other people he knows.

So why does he care?

Why is he all that he ever thinks about? Even now as he waits for him to show up, even though there's a chance that he won't show, why does he feel hope? When was the last time he felt hopeful for another human being...the last time he hoped for something was on his 10th birthday hoping for his parents to stop. So what made Dee so special that it makes him feel hopeful...maybe it's because he and Dee have a mutual hate for soulmates or the fact that Dee understands and listens to him OR maybe it's because Dee knows how to make him smile without even trying.

Maybe it's because…

“Anx?...you showed up” He heard from behind a familiar voice, the same voice that belongs to the person he hasn't been able to forget “I kinda thought you got sick of me”

“No!” virgil said a bit too loud, surprising Dee. “I-I just…”

“It's fine you don't need to tell me but I hope i didn’t scare you away” 

‘You could never scare me away’ Virgil thought out loud without even realizing it until noticing the blush appearing on Dee face

“Even with my scar and weird skin condition" Dee says placing his hand on his eye, something that he learned early on was that Dee was insecure of his looks 

"Dee I love it" He didn't know why he was telling dee that but it just felt right. "I-it makes you look badass"

"Anx why are you kind to me?"

Huh? He didn't expect dee to ask him that

"I should be asking you that, from the moment we meet Dee you treated me kindly, listen to me whenever I have a problem...what do you want from me? Why did you stop me?"

"Honestly I don't know why but I don't regret it for the first time I met someone who understands me" 

Maybe it's because Dee was just like him coming from a broken household being seen as a freak from society, wanting to find that special someone who let's him be him without fear of being judged but for the first time Virgil felt his heart skipped with a weird yet nice feeling in his stomach a feeling that he hasn't know before today 

______________________________________________________

"The first time I ever felt butterflies in my stomach for him" He said to himself even forgetting that Patton was here with him.

Suddenly his thoughts changed from thinking about Dee he started thinking about Remus.  
______________________________________________________

It had been only two weeks that Virgil had moved in with Remus but things had already gone bad despite what Remus tells him. There's many things wrong going on but Virgil's biggest concern was that they were moving in too fast… Remus well… started talking about wanting sex already and by talking Virgil means actually doing so because he wants to but it's okay right? [No its not] because Remus is doing so because he loves him [that's not love] and even though it hurts and Virgil would rather not do it with he'll do it because he loves him and Remus loves him [you don't love him...he hurts you]

"Remus tells me he'll do anything for me…." He said to himself waiting for Remus to come

"Remus says that's he's been waiting his entire life for me"

"Remus even has a tattoo in his wrist with my name on it"

"He loves me"

Virgil found himself talking to himself more and more since Remus hardly ever let's him out or even use his phone because he's afraid that Virgil will leave him  
•  
•  
•  
Now when he looks back at those days sitting at home waiting for Remus to come back only for him to be angry and take it out on him there were a lot of warning signs that he should have paid attention to but he didn't because...Remus was there for him.  
______________________________________________________

"I miss him" Virgil said

"I know you do trust me Virgil I know what it feels like to miss someone so much"

"No, no you don't...you haven't lost Logan or Roman" 

"Virgil…" oh they were more than just friends even though Virgil stated of having feelings for him their relationship was unclear until now.


	12. Are we almost there?

The day arrived not once in his wildest dream did he think about this day...here he was heading out to Dee grave along with their three other soulmates and Remy, something that he still couldn't process. How did he agree on letting them go with them every year it was always him and Remy and now three other people are coming along.

"This is it" Virgil says pointing to his grave 

"Hey love"

2 hours earlier 

"Y-you want to see him?" 

"Yes, if that's not a problem of course" Logan says 

"The thing is that in these three years we've never gotten the chance to at least visit him" Roman adds on

Every year it's always been him and Remy the two closest people to him that went to visit him, not even Dee's family visited their own son. So why should he let them go with him? Dee didn't want them… no that's not true.

•••

"Let's say you do meet them, what would you do" Virgil asked the snake boy next to him

"Umm it depends on the situation" 

"How so? My answer would always be to reject them regardless the situation"

"Well if they showed up in front of my door I'll slam the door on them or if they confront me in public I'll walk away and pretend I didn't hear them"

"So you'll never want to meet them?" 

"No"

"No?"

"Yeah...the only exception would be in my afterlife"

"Why?"

"I don't know… Maybe because-"

•••

The thing was is that it was Virgil who didn't want them to met him a selfish part of him didn't want to share him because no matter what they'll would never understand the strong bond that Virgil and Dee had but he didn't get a say in this decision because Dee for some reason wanted to meet them in their afterlife.

"Okay, you guys can come...just let me make a phone call" Virgil says leaving the room to call Remy.

"Hey rem"

'Hey vee'

"Do you have my stuff ready for today"

'By stuff do you mean the guitar and Dorian?'

"Yeah that one I'll bring the rest…also they're coming, so try to be on your best behavior for today"

'...only for you'

"Thanks remy"

'No problem Vee, I told you I'll do anything for you'

"No I really mean it. Without you I'll probably still be stuck with him...you mean so much to me Remy I've said that so many times your like the only person I considered family

'Love you too'

This day has to go perfect...it has to, dee needs to know how deeply sorry he is that this happened. If it weren't for him this wouldn't have happened...look at how pathetic he became.

"How long will it take us to get there?" Logan asked 

"About 2 hours"

"2 hours!? Why so far?" Roman asked 

"It's located in Dee's favorite place …" Virgil replied

Patton sensing the tension decided to get in "So Virgil, I hope you don't mind but I baked strawberry tarts for him even though he won't be able to eat them it's the thought that counts"

"Strawberry tart?" 

"Yeah, you told me they were his favorites...did I hear wrong"

"No, it's just I didn't expect you to do this"

"This is the least i can do" 

It was a thoughtful gesture that Patton did for Dee, Virgil definitely couldn't bake something for Dee without burning them. Out of the two of them it was always Dee baking him sweets for any occasion but sadly he couldn't cook while Virgil could so everything worked out fine.

"Okay let me grab my stuff and we'll head out it is a two ride so you guys might want to bring something to entertain yourself with also we'll be meeting my best friend over there" 

Virgil hurried to his room and grabbed the item's. He didn't have many things with him of his time with Dee [thanks to Remus] but thankfully he did keep few of the most important things with him.

He picked up the camera that he left on top of his desk and then he went for his notebook [it belonged to Dee at first] and finally he lifted up his bed and grabbed a picture that he had hidden, the picture was taken by Remy in secret of Dee and him cuddling looking peaceful. This wasn't all the things he had but it was the things he decided to keep all the others where burn or he told Remy to hide so Remus wouldn't find them they still have them because Virgil isn't ready to look at them.

The camera was gift that Dee was going to give him but never got the chance to but the thing was that he never received the gift until recently when he was with Remus and finally the notebook it belong to Dee it was his sketch notebook shortly after leaving Remus Virgil bought his own notebook that he would write a letter to Dee every night.

Every item he kept from him has a special memory to him, a memory from when times were peaceful

"Okay I'm ready, let's head out" Virgil said before pausing "You guys don't have to come?"

"Technically speaking we don't have to since we technically never meant him and by that never had the chance to develop any sort of connection with him…" Logan said before stopping himself 

'Yeah they didn't, they don't know him like I do' Virgil thought to himself staring at Logan 

"But we want to Virgil... truthfully speaking Virgil I'll never get to be part of the connection that you two had but I want to get to know him better even if it's this way" 

Virgil took a deep breath before staring at the four of them "Okay, I'll tell you more things about him even some personal things about his home life...I'm telling you this but don't ask about his death, I repeat do not look into his death or ask other people" Virgil said receiving three nods of agreements.

"Okay, now let's go" Virgil said sighing knowing there was a long road ahead.

It had only been about 20 minutes since they started driving but both Patton and Roman were already getting bored and whining somehow Virgil knew that this was going to happen so he allowed Logan to sit next to him since out of the three of them Logan didn't speak much and most of the time it was to answer a question someone had or correct them

"Are we almost there yet, how long has it been!?"

"It's only been three minutes since you lasted asked Roman, now hurry up and memories your script or stop complaining" Logan asked clearly annoyed just wanting to read his book

"Script?" Virgil said instantly regretting it

"I'm an actor! I've performed in many plays and even won awards for best acting I am surprised you've never heard of me before"

"...should i?" Asides from being Remus brother Virgil hadn't known who he was after all Virgil never bothered to look for them so it's not like he went online and typed Roman Prince

"I'm an upcoming actor? I've starred in the movie a miracle it has a 96% in rotten tomatoes" 

"I'm not very into movies…" also he remembers Remy telling him not to watch that one but never understood why until now

"Oh…" Roman said sounding a bit hurt 

Also Remus did acting as well which just made him easier to believe everything Remus said/did because it was all acting…

"What about we tell you more about us?" Patton asked 

"But I thought you wanted to know more about Dee?"

"We do but it's not fair that we ask you all these questions and you know nothing about us" 

"I don't care" Virgil said "I mean it's your choice if you want to talk about yourself"

"Well I love talking about myself so I'll go first, my name is Roman prince. I met Patton at the age of 6 and Logan at the age of 13 the two best days of my life. I've always had a passion for theater from a young and a big love for Disney" 

"What about your family?" Virgil says, noticing the tension that he created. Clearly Roman had to know what happened to his brother

"My parents are Hispanic and I'm an only child so my family isn't that interesting" Roman said so believable that if Virgil didn't know Remus personally he would have believed Roman was an only child but he knows the truth that Roman was Remus twin brother.

"Moving on! I'm Patton Heart and just like Roman I'm an only child but I have a strong connection with my cousin named Emilie and-"

"Emile Picani?" Virgil asked 

"Yeah! How'd you know?" 

"We went to the same highschool" Virgil said, not mentioning the fact that he had a big crush on his best friend and even dating in senior year but Remy ended up breaking his heart "Now that I think about you two are very Similar"

"Yep! We could be twins" Patton said but apparently that was a wrong thing to say judging by Roman reaction. "Anyways I work part time at the pet shop down the corner from are place and attend college"

"Logan Berry from the Berry family and just like Patton I also attend college while maintaining a part time job" 

"Patton would ever pick up a spider and hold it for a minute to save a puppy" Roman asked 

"No- Yes! Yes...wait how big is it would it be bad of me if I said no but that would make me a bad person, I don't want to be a bad person but I don't want to touch a creepy crawly death eater spider" Patton ramble conflicting himself every second.

"Calm down Patton, Roman was only joking" 

"No! I have to pick...don't want to be bad" 

"Calm down my love I was only joking with you besides I think you're a wonderful person" Roman said placing a gentle kiss on top of Patton forehead.

"You really mean that?" 

"Patton no one more pure of heart than you"

"Thanks Ro"

•••

"Stop looking at me like that" Virgil said blushing more than a bit

"Like what" Dee said pretending to not know 

"Like that… like your looking at most beautiful thing you've ever seen"

" Virgil I've been to many places, seen many people but none have take my breath away like you do" 

"Stop lying Dee there's plenty of people who are more beautiful than me I mean look at me"

"I am, all my attention is on you and nobody else in my eyes there's no one better than you"

••• 

"I love both of you" Roman says 

For a second Virgil almost flinched when Roman said those words, how many times had he heard those words from Remus. How many times did Remus use love as an excuse for everything he did to him.

"Aww Ro we love you too" 

There they go again with love, how can they say it so naturally...he used to be able to say it naturally. 

"What about you Virgil"

"What about me?" 

"Tell us anything about you"

"Umm grew up in a small town I actually have an older brother named Thomas but he moved out a while ago...there's nothing else to say" besides growing in an abusive household, being bullied for being a freak, finding the love of his only for him to die because of him and not to mention getting into an abusive relationship with the person who took everything he cared about.

"Did Demetrius grew up here too?"

"No"

"No?"

"Yeah when we first met Dee had apparently just moved here" 

•••

Virgil returned the next day to see the snake boy again that stopped him yesterday.

"You're back" the snake boy say

"Yeah...don't know why" Virgil said "I've never seen you before yesterday and nobody ever moves here it's a small town...so what's your deal?" 14 year old Virgil asked 

"My deal?"

"Yeah there must be a reason that your family moved here, are they trying to escape from something?" 

"Maybe but why does it matter"

"It doesn't I'm just curious everyone in this town has secrets besides just because this is a small town doesn't mean anything" 

"So, what's your secret?" 

"It wouldn't be a secret if I told you?"

"That's true"

"So what's your name"

"Why? Gonna try and find information about me"

"No way that's too much time and effort I just want to know so I don't call you snake boy anymore"

"Snake boy? I like that please do"

"I can already your different from most people you'll meet from here" 

"I'm always different" 

"Me too"

"Name Damion Lee"

'Lie' Virgil thought 

"Well nobody calls me by my real name always V or Anx because of my anxiety"

"I like Anx"

"Well I know for certain that Dorian isn't your name and frankly I don't want to know your name I'll call you Dee...it fits you better than Dorian" 

"Okay Anx"

•••

"Yeah, Dee was pretty mysterious from the beginning" Virgil said snapping out from the flashback 

"That's odd" Logan said 

"No, it's really not from where I'm from" 

Everyone had their own secrets that they tried to keep hidden even Virgil has his own.

"Are we almost there" Roman said 

"No, we have another hour"


	13. Going to town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The car break down close by Virgil hometown not wanting to waste any time Virgil decides to take a short cut that just so happens to involve his hometown but coming there brings back old memories that Virgil had of the town.

"What do you mean flat tire! This can't be happening not here anywhere but here especially when were so close" 

"Well it's not like we have an extra tire with us"

Of course this had to happen to him there tire just had to pop "Well it looks like we're walking" Virgil said 

"Don't you think we should call a mechanic" Logan suggested 

"No, were already running late"

"It's still early they shouldn't take about an hour long and once they're done we'll be there after sunset" 

"No that's too late" Virgil said already getting his things from the trunk.

'I have to see the sunset with him' 

"It's an hour walk from here to his grave it's wise to just wait"

Virgil knew Logan was right the distance from here to Dee would take a while to get there but he couldn't just wait for someone to come and fix his tire while he waits and does nothing…as much as it pained him there was a solution to this a short cut but that short cut meant taking the road that lead to his hometown it was after all the fastest way to get there.

"I know a shortcut it should shorten the time"

"What about the car? You can't just leave it here" 

"Oh the car, yeah I don't care about it" Virgil said receiving confusing stares, truthfully the car belong to Remus when Virgil left him he had token the took the car when escaping from him"Here I'll even leave the keys for someone to take it"

"You don't care?" Roman ask

"No I've been meaning to get rid of it for awhile now let's hurry up the sooner the better"

It's not like Virgil was begging to go back there in fact it's the last place on earth he'd rather be but this is the only way to get there before sunset. In fact he hates everyone in his small "peaceful" town for what they did to Dee and letting it happen. 

"So where are we going?" Patton asked 

"My hometown originally we were supposed to circle around it's a longer route but because we were in a car it wouldn't be a problem but now we have to take this route even if I don't like it"

"Why? If I were you I'll be homesick"

Homesick? This town was never a home for him. It was a nightmare for fourteen years until he met Dee.

"Well it's not really the nicest place to live so I never considered it as my home" Virgil said "it's about a ten minute walk from here it's no that far but you have to promise me to follow this rules"

"There we go again with the rules" Roman said rolling his eyes

"Rule number 1 is don't talk to any locals especially if I'm not around, leave all the talking to me"

"Why?"

"It's too much to explain but you can't trust anyone from there"  
"Rule number 2 do not mention where we're going or about Demetrius even if they bring it up" 

"So everyone knows how he died?"

"Rule number 3 the most important rule is hide your soulmate names or better yet don't mention anything about soulmates here it's a very sensitive topic around here" 

It's more than a sensitive topic 

•••

Virgil was four when the names appeared in his arms and it wasn't something that he was looking forward to from the earliest memory he has always been told that soulmates are a curse.

"Virgil remember what happens when you meet your soulmate" his mother said 

"You are destined for misery" Virgil said for the hundred time 

"Yes don't turn out like your brother" 

"Yes, mother" 

Thomas, his older brother, was born with a soulmate in this place. People are hardly born with them so in everyone's eyes his brother is cursed for misery. 

The first name to appear was Patton Heart then Logan Berry and then Roman prince and finally Demetrius Deceit. Not only was he born with a soulmate but just so happened to be born with four of them. Four people who he's going to meet one day and ruin his life.

To say his mother was angered would be an understatement she locked him down in the base all bruised up 

"I-Im s-sorry mommy" 

•••

He didn't know why he was thinking about that memory maybe because he's heading back into town meaning there's a chance that he'll run into her. 

"Are you going to stop by to see your family" Roman asked 

"Nah they moved out a long time ago" 

It wasn't a lie the only person he considered as a family did leave town but without telling him.

•••

Virgil was fourteen when his brother left the last conversation they had was Thomas telling him how much he loved him.

"Hey Vee"

"Thomas? What's going on?"

"Nothing Vee go back to sleep" 

"Are you okay Thomas? This morning with mother-" 

"I'm fine besides it doesn't hurt that much" 

This morning mother had caught Thomas talking about wanting to meet his soulmate and it didn't end well. 

"Goodnight Thomas"

"Goodnight Vee, Oh and don't forget I love you Virgil"

"...love you too"

The next morning Thomas was gone all his things were packed up without leaving any trace behind.

The only thing left behind was a note that Thomas left for him.

-Be safe Virgil one of these days I'll come back for you don't forget I love you-

•••

It's been exactly five years since he last saw his older brother. At first Virgil was indeed angry at him for leaving him behind but now all he hopes is for Thomas's safety that he had successfully managed to escape from their hometown and moved somewhere nicer and find new people that actually care about him.

"Careful, almost there it's over there" Virgil said pointing "Remember my rules"

"Wait this doesn't look bad...I was expecting it be a poor dirty town" Roman said "but this looks like a cute simple place to live"

"Don't let it fool you it's anything but a simple place to live" 

"Oh okay" Roman said clearly confused on how this town was bad

"V is that you?" He heard a familiar voice from the back 

"Oh it's you" Virgil said clearly upset "come on let's keep going" 

"Wait! Listen to me" the stranger said grabbing Virgil hand 

"Let go of me" Virgil says tugging his hand down "I have nothing to say to you"

"I'm sorry for what happened to Demetrius" 

"Don't…"

"He didn't deserve it if you need anything just ask me" 

"Why don't you shut up for once Ashley maybe people would like you more if you did I don't need your fake apology"

"There's no need to be rude" he heard Roman whispered 

"Something's never change V" she said before leaving "A word of advice I wouldn't trust him" 

"What did she mean by that?" Logan asked 

"Who knows Ashley says things just to get into people's heads" 

"But she seemed nice"

"Ashley being nice? Yeah, right"

•••

"God I hate her"

"You have to be more specific you hate everyone here"

"Ashley!"

"Ashley kim? Yeah, I hate her too but what she do this time"

"She dumped coffee on me during class"

"What!? Are you okay Vee?"

"I'm fine Rem the coffee wasn't even that hot it just burned a bit" 

"If you want I can get some people to you know talk to her...if you know what I mean" 

"I could never ask you to do something like that for me" 

"I'll do anything for you"

•••

"Let's just hurry up and get out of this place before I do something"

"I don't get it everything here looks peaceful" 

"Most adults here have a crime record nobody from here is a good person even your uncle Patton" 

"What about my uncle?" Patton asked almost too afraid to get an answer 

"Oh yeah he was a school counselor also had a crime record but Emile was different from every kid from this town"

"How so?" 

"Emile only lived here for half of sophomore and senior year but he definitely didn't belong here unlike everyone else they saw the good in people and gave the multiple chances" 

"But Emile never told me anything bad about this place"

"Because they don't belong here so they wouldn't notice anything odd about the locals besides like I said before Emile didn't stay here too long"

•••

It was the start sophomore when Virgil was talking with remy about their classes when they saw him the first time.

"I've never seen him before" Virgil committed 

"He's kinda cute" 

"Is he the next one"

"Nope but might be in my list soon"

"One of these days your going to fall in love with someone and all they'll think about you is how of man-hoe you are" 

"I literally don't need anyone else if I have you"

"Excuse me but can you tell me where the principal office is?" Said the new boy

"Already in trouble on the first day" Remy said 

"What! No, no I just need to get my schedule"

"Well remy can take you"

"I would if I wasn't walking you to class"

"That's sweet but I'm supposed to met up with someone anyways, bye"

•••

"If what you say is true then why hasn't anyone reported anything to the police" 

"Are you crazy, the police in this town are shit if your rich you can pay your way out even if you commit murder besides nobody here really wants to get involved with the law"

"But everyone here looks nice look at that family they're smiling and happy" Roman says pointing to a family of three getting ice cream and sure at first glance they do look happy but it you look closer the girl almost looks in pain

"Look closer you idiot"

"What do you mean? I see nothing wrong with them" logan said

"Roman you out of all people should have realized something was off considering your an actor"

"I mean the girl does look a bit tired but I don't really see what's so odd about this" 

"If you closer look at her wrist look at how she's pulling down her sleeves constantly and glancing at it before looking at her parents with fear" 

"What are you trying to say kiddo, that they're abusing her"

Virgil sighed before explaining "look you guys never live here so you guys don't know but this place hates soulmates" Virgil said before touching his wrist out of habit "they...don't like that here...they tell that you are destined for misery"

"What about you…" 

"By the way she's trying to hide her wrist means that she has one judging by looks she looks about 4-5 the age when they start appearing" 

"Now that you look closer they might be smiling and making jokes but they're eyes tell a different story" 

"Yep everyone has their own story of how they ended up in this hell"  
"What about you? What did you do?" Logan asked becoming suspicious of Virgil 

"I was born here...my mom was pregnant with me when she moved here"

"What did she do" Patton asked

"What didn't she do" Virgil said "but not all people from here are bad...well there's only like a few people that are actually decent like only three that I know of"

"And who would they be?" 

" By brother, Thomas. My best friend Remy and Demetrius" 

"But you said he wasn't from here"

"No but he did live for a couple of years and his parents definitely deserve to be here sick assholes"

"I'm guessing that you didn't get along with them" 

"No"

"What about that Remy person were meeting them today right?" Patton asked 

"Yeah they basically own this place everyone in this town knows who they are"

"How so?"

"Rems family is filthy rich for some questionable things" Virgil answered, Remy told him some things that went down with his family and the "business" they ran.

"Are you sure we can trust them?" 

"Yes, Remy has been at my side since we were thirteen and without them I wouldn't be here, free"

"What do you mean?"

"It's not really important but a while ago I wasn't doing so well and Remy was there to get me out of the there"

•••

"You're sick, you know that" 

"Oh come on Virgil I only did it because I love you" 

"How could you!? How could you do that to me! This isn't love...it's abuse"

"No Virgil that's where you're wrong this is the way I show my love to you. I honestly don't know why you're crying now it's not the first time did Remy put ideas in your head again" 

"No, no, no this isn't what love is"

"Virgil listen to me and listen clearly you need me where else are you supposed to go didn't you and Remy get into a fight this morning they don't want you anymore" 

"Virgil its 4 in the morning"

"R-remy I know you don't w-want to talk to me after this m-morning but can you c-come pick the car broke d-down and Remus is looking for me"

"Are you okay!? Where are you!?"

"I-im at the park, h-he promised h-he wo-ouldn't d-do it again...he lied to me"

"Vee wait there I'll be there as soon as possible"

"Hurry please he's probably looking for me"

It didn't take long for Remy to come for him but the sight was anything but pretty. Virgil had messy hair just like someone was tugging his hair, he also had bruises everywhere, busted lip covered with hickeys in his neck, messy clothes and barely standing.

"Oh Virgil, honey...what did he do to you" 

"R-remy you h-have to listen to me and bel-lieve me"

•••

"Virgil are you okay" Patton asked clearly noticing the pale look on his face

"Yeah, no yeah I'm fine"

"You know you can talk to me"

"It's just this place has so many memories" 

"Are they bad ones?"

"Yeah and no, it doesn't make sense I should hate this place but...this is where everything happened all the bad things but also all the good things. Spending time with my brother, finding my best friend and meeting Demetrius and falling in love with him, It all happened here in this stupid fuck up town" Virgil ramble "it's stupid but I can't help but associate this place with wonderful memories as well"

•••

"I love you"

"Wait what?"

"You heard me I love you Anx and you don't have to say it back or even respond to me but I just had-"

"Dee just shut up and kiss me

Just as Virgil said that Dee placed a kiss on his lips instantly "So you like me?" Dee said

"Of course I do you dummy I'm surprised it took this long for you to figure it out I've been in love with you for months now" 

"So you don't just like me but you also love me" Dee said with a smug look on his face "aren't you something"

"Just shut up d-"

Before Virgil could finish his sentence Dee placed another kiss but this one was more intense than the first one. 

"I love you"

"What a coincidence me too"

"Just so you know this doesn't count as are first kiss, okay."

"Wait why?"

"Because Dee you need to take me out in a official date first right that kiss was purely platonic"

"Ok but can we platonically make out?"

•••

"I don't think it's stupid" Roman answered quickly 

"I have a suggestion why don't you take us to the spot. The spot that you two always visited"

"I don't know where barely going to make it on time we can't offer to waste any time since we don't have a car"

"We can always steal a car" Logan said bluntly 

"What? Do you hear yourself? Steal a car"

"You said that most of them have a criminal record right? Than I don't see the problem with stealing a car surely they've done worst things"

"Bu-"

"It's settled then we'll go see the place and then steal a car that way we'll make it there faster"

"Wait it's not that simple"

"But don't you want to go see it for one more time"

He did, he really did. That place held most of their precious memories that they had together.

"Ok let's go"


	14. I think you're pretty great

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and the other decided not to steal the car but instead borrow one from someone that owns Virgil a favor but that person happens to be his mother but things are different from the last the he's seen her
> 
> After getting the car they head out to the spot where Virgil and Demetrius first meet all those years ago but sadly Virgil comes to a realization about himself.

"let's get the car first and I know someone who owns me favor" Virgil said "and they just so happened to own a car and if not then I don't know"

"And who is that person?"

"My mother" Virgil said bitterly 

"Oh…" 

"Yeah she owns me for what she did to me but I'll never forgive her" Virgil could let it slide for what a horrible childhood he had but he'll never forgive her for what she did to them "Try not to talk to her"

Virgil was walking ahead than the others not saying anything but he looked back to see Roman and Patton holding hands while Logan had a smitten look on his face nothing is wrong with them expressing their love for each other but they were getting odd looks and people glancing at their wrist. Virgil had no other choice but to get in between Patton and Roman and silent point to the odd looks they're getting, realization hits them and they look away.

"My bad" Roman said softly 

"Its fine for outsiders this place makes you feel safe and warm it's really easy to drop your guard down" Virgil said receiving an awkward silence for some reason he felt like he should say something "S-so Roman what made you want to become an actor"

"Oh! I've always had a love for theater since an early age, always performing in school plays…never getting the main lead" Roman said the last part quickly "But nevertheless I still got a big part in the plays and soon I auditioned for a movie. My talent was so great that it didn't matter if I was a newbie" Roman said with so much glee as he noticed Logan looking away making Virgil suspicious, didn't Logan mention that he's from the Berry family? And aren't they from a rich family with multiple connections...whatever its none of his business. 

"Hey Patton I-I never got to thank you" Virgil said softly confusing Patton 

"For what?" 

"For you know trying to comfort me despite barely knowing and me not being the kindest...it felt nice to be comforted even if it was for a bit"

"Aww that sweet kiddo but I just did what I love best, comforting others and making them feel happy" Patton said with a bright smile that made Virgil smile a bit.

Unlike everyone he's known (including Dee) Patton is a happy ray of sunshine that knows how to make others (he included) smile. Virgil might not know the other two well but he doesn't actually mind Patton's presence.

"Yeah...but I still treated you badly" Virgil said, feeling ashamed for treating him like that despite how Virgil comes out to people he doesn't really like being mean to people.

"Its fine I wasn't bothered at all" Patton said with his usual smile but just a bit bigger 

"Stil...I shouldn't have treated you like that, my bad" Virgil apologized, something that became a habit after living with Remus is his need to apologize to people even if his wrong 

"Virgil there's no need to apologize it was my idea of asking questions that led you to panic"

"It's not your fault Patton I was the one who wrote the question in the first place. I'm sorry Virgil I shouldn't have asked something like that without knowing how you'll react" Logan says 

"I-Its fine but I'm warning you the next time you ask that question I'll break your glasses" Virgil said 100% meaning it

Just as Logan was about to say something Virgil stopped him for two reasons. First reason was the topic of Dee's death always made Virgil shutdown and also they arrived at their location.

"It's here" Virgil said more to himself than the others not once in a million years would he have believed that he'll return to this place, the place that caused him so much harm. It's been three years since he's last seen his mother and is now asking to borrow her car so they can go visit his ex-boyfriend's tombstone.

"Virgil are you okay?" Patton says looking at him

For a second Virgil confused what he meant but then noticed what Patton eyes were focused on, his hands.   
They were trembling and he didn't know why?. It's not like he's a little kid begging his mom to open the door promising he'll be a good kid or even that scrawny teenage kid that would get hit for sneaking out to see Dee. No, he's older and better at defending himself now...so why is he still shaking, unable to even knock on the door? It isn't that hard all he has to do is knock that simple yet he's unable.

"Virgil?" He heard a familiar voice, a voice that he grew up hearing for sixteen years in his life 

"Mom…" 

"Virgil, honey that's really is you" 

He took a long look inspecting the woman in front of him, if it weren't for her voice Virgil would have thought that was a different person. The one from his past and the one in front of him look completely opposite, the one he grew up with always had some type of makeup on and dressed up smelling like cheap liquor but this person isn't dressed up like that, no they're wearing simple yoga clothing and looking like an actual person who has a proper hygiene but the more surprising 

thing was the a little boy hiding behind her.

"Please come inside it's been awhile".

Everything looked different from when he was growing up, there were no dirty dishes or scratches on the wall. 

"Do you want anything to drink?" 

"I'm fine but thank you" Patton said 

It didn't make sense this was the same mother who locked up her kids for having a soulmate or literally the same woman who has a crime record. The only logical reason was that she was faking it and that she's using the kid the same way she used him and Thomas.

"So the kid?" He finally asked

"Oh you mean ashlyn?.. I adopted him shortly after you left with your boyfriend?" 

"Boyfriend?" He heard Roman but decided to ignore him 

"Ash why don't you go finish your homework"

"Okay mommy" He says before looking at Virgil before leaving.

"Does he have a soulmate?" 

"Yes"

Virgil eyes widened looking back at the direction where the kid left "Is he okay" Virgil asked in a not so friendly tone.

"Yes...Virgil I know what I did to you and your brother but I learn from my mistake and I didn't realize it until after you left but soon I meet ash and that was sign" 

"Liar you say that you'll change but then you reverse to your old yourself with the same excuse you would tell me and Thomas" 

"I know I can never change the past but is there anything I can do to get your forgiveness"

"I need to borrow your car"

"Deal but if I may ask why?" 

"I'm going to visit Dee" Virgil said as realization hit her as she looked away in shame.

"I never meant to hid-"

"Car keys" Virgil said already knowing what she was going to say

"Oh yes" she says going to retreat her keys

The moment that she leaves Virgil notices the little boy looking at him trying not to get noticed by the other's.

"How old are you?" Patton said approaching him, he looked at Patton before raising his hand "Wow five your a big boy"

"Is your hair real?" He says pointing to Virgil purple hair

"Ugh no" Virgil didn't know how to act with kids especially one that apparently is his younger brother but despite what he needs to know that this kid is safe.

"Are you happy here?" Virgil asked for a moment he saw a younger version of him responding this question with a no but that wasn't the case with this kid.

"Yeah mommy treats nice and if I behave well she'll buy me a toy" 

"That's nice of her to do" instead of coming nicely it came out cold and bitter 

"Look mommy even help me to look for my soulmate in the future" He said pointing at his wrist showing it with pride.

•••

He didn't know how or when but suddenly everyone knew that Dee was Virgil's soulmate; it didn't make sense because he only told Remy and they would never betray him.

"Virgil break up with the boy now" His mother told him after finding out the news

"I haven't even talked to him since I found out" Oh god how much he wanted to talk to Dee, ignoring him is much harder than it seems.

"We both know that eventually you'll run back to him so I'm asking you to permanently break up with him or else"

"Or else what? It's my choice if I want to speak to him" 

"I'm warning you Virgil"

"Yeah okay and just for that watch me still talk to him"

Regardless of what Virgil had made up his mind he needed to apologize to him for ignoring him, tomorrow night.

[He didn't know at this time but this would leave to their downfall]

•••

"Oh it seems like ash has taken a liking to you" She says handing him the keys and snapping him out of his memory 

"Ok we're done now let's go " Virgil said in hurry to get out of this place that he grew up in

"Wait Virgil! Can't you stay longer it's been a long time since I seen you" 

"I only came here because I needed I car and you owed me for all the things you did to me" 

"Virgil I'm trying, I'm a better mother than before I've even changed my old ways when it comes to soulmates"

"Good for you, that kid over my younger brother deserves an actual good mother but i'm not talking about my fucked up childhood"

"Then what Virgil? What can I do to get your forgiveness"

"You lied to me! Were you ever going to tell me!?"

"Is this about…"

"Of course it is I don't care about my childhood because I don't live here anymore with you but were you ever going to tell me" 

"So you know" She said with guilt written on her face "How?" 

"How isn't really important" Virgil said looking at Roman for a sec before facing his mother "but all this I thought- you kept it the truth from even when you saw me grieving or when I was leaving you kept it from me" 

Before anything else happened Logan interfered "I really think we should be leaving" he said facing Virgil 

"Well it's nice meeting you but I'm not staying here " Virgil said 

"Would I ever get to see you again"

"I don't know but here call if something ever happens but don't tell anyone I gave you this" Virgil said handing him a small piece of paper with his number 

"I pinky promise" 

Virgil looked at her for one more time before leaving without saying anything.

"Put your things on the trunk I'm driving" 

"So where next?" Roman asked

"You guys said you wanted to see the spot I'll show you"

As soon as they started driving Patton looked at him "Are you okay?"

"Honestly no...but I guess I'm more worried about ash than myself. I was about his age when my life started going to hell over there and I guess I just don't want things to be the same for him" 

"That's very considering of you" 

"It's not I just don't want kids dealing with what I had to deal with...if she wants to give him a better life the best thing she can do is move out of that town because despite her saying she changed from her old way the townspeople haven't they give him shit for having one"

"Your mom was she-"

"Born with one? Yep she was" 

"Then why does she hate them so much if she had one?" 

"My dad, he… they were soulmates and yet he left her for another woman despite already having a family leaving her to take care of a three year old while being eight months pregnant it left her broken and in pain causing her to hate soulmates"

On the drive Virgil noticed that everything was still the same as it was three years ago when he left, everyone still looked miserable and yet the view was still like he remembers, beautiful. Any time Virgil looked at his town from a certain angle it almost made him forget how horrible this place was and instead made him think how beautiful it was to live here.

"Is there any meaning behind the place where going" Roman asked "there must be a story behind it"

"Yeah, its place where we first met and every night me and Dee would go there and just talk and look at the stars"

"Aww that's cute" Patton said "meeting every night just to be with each other"

"It's here" Virgil said looking at the old building that nobody uses anymore.

"It is not what I expected" Roman said softly 

"Roman be nice" 

The building was farther from the rest of the building. Virgil hurried and ran up the stairs while ignoring Logan's concern comment about running up dangerous stairs but Virgil didn't care, not when he was here his safe zone, his happy place. Instantly Virgil opened the door to the roof and was hit with many feelings despite it looking a bit more run down than it three years everything was the same even the things they left behind were still here covered in dirt and dust but still it felt like he's never left this place.

"This is the place?" Virgil heard a voice from the back for a minute, he forgot about them.

"This is the place where it all happened, of course things look different because it's been like three years and even before that this place wasn't the cleanest but this where I meet him. It might not look like much but this place means so much to me" Virgil said "you might never understand the meaning but I love this place despite it looking like shit and-" 

"Virgil calm down your talking to fast" 

"S-sorry I'm just excited to finally be here again" 

"There's nothing to apologize for being excited over something" Logan said

"Yeah it's actually nice to see you be like this all happy, smiling looks good on you" Roman said 

"Well I can't help but smile when I'm here...actually this was my safe zone, I love this place" Virgil said

For a couple of minutes they stayed silent not knowing what to say, Virgil knew they should get going but he didn't want to leave this place because stepping out would mean he would have to face reality, a reality were Dee dead but being here made him feel like Dee was still next to him. If Virgil were to die here he would die a happy man.

•••

"I've never been happy" Dee suddenly said making Virgil concern "I wanted to die but than I meet you" Dee said holding Virgil hand "who would have thought that the kid I saved from jumping would end up to be my savior"

"D-"

"Let me finish...Virgil I didn't know what love was but then I met you and I just knew from that moment on that I wanted to keep on living with you...and were both a bit fuck up but that's okay because you're here with me and I'm here for you so let's keep living together"

•••

"What are you thinking about?" said Patton, taking a seat next to Virgil. "Is it about Demetrius" 

"Am I that obvious?" Virgil said half joking 

"No, I think I'm just good at understanding people's feelings...wanna talk about it?"

"A bit" Virgil mumbled 

"I'll listen even if it's not a lot" 

"This place reminds me of him, of Dee. Sometimes I wake up and I'll hear his voice and have wishful thinking that maybe this was all a bad dream but it isn't...the reality is that he's no longer with me but I still miss him" Virgil said saying more than expected "He's death came to a surprise to me" He says standing up 

"I don't know what to do without you" Virgil sang softly surprising the other three

"I don't know where to put my hands  
I've been trying to lay my head down  
But I'm writing this at 3 AM"

Virgil sang about the times he would try to snuggle closer to Dee only to realize that he wasn't there and stay awake until morning thinking about life.

"I don't need the world to see  
That I've been the best I can be, but  
I don't think I could stand to be  
Where you don't see me"

No matter how good a person Virgil was, it meant nothing to him because at the end of the day the emptiness that he had was still inside of him. The emptiness that he started feeling the moment he heard of Dee's death.

"On sunny days, I go out walking  
I end up on a tree-lined street  
I look up at the gaps of sunlight  
I miss you more than anything"

"I don't need the world to see  
That I've been the best I can be, but  
I don't think I could stand to be  
Where you don't see me"

"And autumn comes when you're not yet done  
With the summer passing by, but  
I don't think I could stand to be  
Where you don't see me"

"You have a lovely singing voice" Roman said breaking the silence 

"Thanks but it's nothing special"

"Nothing special? Virgil I thought I was hearing an angel sing"

"I wasn't that good...in fact it sounded broken" Virgil said with realization "Why did I still sound broken? It doesn't make sense I'm in my happy here so why do I still feel this way" Virgil voice cracked a bit

It didn't make sense being here should have made him feel whole instead of broken. He didn't notice it at first but when he was singing his tone of singing sounded so broken and empty when it should be the opposite it always made him feel better especially singing in his favorite place. So why?...

"There's something wrong with me I don't sound the same" Virgil mumbled to himself 

He didn't use to sing like this to Dee

•••

Me: Meet me after school at our spot

Dee❤: ok but why

Me: I've been working on something new

They had met up in their usual but Virgil had noticed something off about him.

"Hey, are you okay?" Virgil asked gently 

"It's just been a long day but I'm excited to hear your new song" 

"He put my name with yellow hearts"  
"His favorite color, like the stars"

"I didn't listen very hard"  
"When he told me he was crazy from the start"

"He put my name with yellow hearts"  
"I said he was a work of art" 

"I didn't listen very hard"  
"When he told me he was crazy from the start"

"First love the song and second how rude of you I am not crazy" 

"Yeah sure" He said sarcastically 

Virgil loved it when Dee would draw him only to end up with hearts around him. Virgil loved singing for him it was always filled with so much emotion and it made both of them happy

•••

"You okay?" He heard one of them say

"Do you want to know something...the day I met I wanted to jump off but Dee stop me and then we made a promise to keep living together...but I'm still here...sometimes I wonder if he can still see me from above" Virgil said taking a deep breath in "What would he think of me now"

"Well I think you're pretty great"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Francis forever: Mitski  
> Yellow Hearts: Ant Saunders 
> 
> Did you catch the reference? Also what was Virgil mom talking about?


End file.
